i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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