Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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