Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
