I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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