Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm like, not good at living.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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