Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
