he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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