i don't plan on having that self control this summer
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
