I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
