ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
