You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
