Dude my mom stole all your condoms
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
