If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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