There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
