If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize