What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
