got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
