Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
