I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
