were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize