whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i barfeds in our rink
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
