Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
