I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I checked into jail on foursquare
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
