Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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