there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
