So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Randomize
