dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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