uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
