I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
