I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
