omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
