I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
