things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
