Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
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It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
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I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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