My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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