you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
