i wish peter jackson would direct porn
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
