i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My bed is full of blood and feathers
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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