he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
