you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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