I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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