I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
