I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
