I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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