I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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