Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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