do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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