i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
