How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
