honey bunches of taint.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
