i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
