I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
