totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
