We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
