Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
