Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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