I can tuck mytits in my pants
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
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