I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
