Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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