Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
