So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
