When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
