M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
