It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
