see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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