neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
