Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
