I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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