k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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