This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
