Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We have started to decorate penises.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
