Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
