You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
