Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
