My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
