I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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