I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
