Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize