M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
is that a dick in a sweater?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
